Basic HTML Version
10
July – September 2013
www.deltalivingmagazine.com
Funn
side
p
u
y
By Charleen Earley
charleenbearley@gmail.com
I
t started out fun, but then
things got fuzzy. I wanted
to make a meal that I often order
at one of my favorite restaurants
(yes Mexican) called tortilla soup.
Well, to cut right to the
cheese, I mean chase - you know
it’s been a long time since you've
cooked when you can't even
find the cheese grater.Worse yet,
when you can’t remember what
the cheese grater looks like.
This has nothing to do with
memory loss and everything to
do with cooking blues, because
I know what a grater looks like,
I just couldn't remember what
mine looked like.
In my case it takes up way too
much of my time, cooking that
is. For me it’s off to work by 8:30
a.m.,Yabba-Dabba-Doo time is 5
p.m. (sometimes midnight), then
home to feed the horses (two
overgrown dogs really, with big
appetites and even bigger … nev-
er mind) then phone interviews
for impending articles, help son
with homework, and more writ-
ing until 10 p.m., well let’s just
say hello fast food via ATM card.
Sleep fits in there somewhere be-
tween today and tomorrow, I’m
just not sure where exactly. Now
who hid the ladle?
I always tell everyone that
when I do cook, my stove thinks
a new tenant moved in. And
since my 17-year-old is not too
keen on casseroles or anything
with green in it, I keep it simple
for him (pizza tops the charts,
Kraft Macaroni & Cheese a close
second). At this point, I can't
make out if it’s the onions that
are making me cry or just the
cooking?
I pour myself a glass of Char-
donnay – this always helps.Truth
be told, I cook just fine, and I
receive my fair share of compli-
ments when I host a dinner (key
word: when). I love to watch the
Food Network cooking shows
on Saturdays (Guess I won’t
be seeing much of Paula Deen
anymore!), and my son has to
pull me away, literally, from the
Tupperware vendors in the mid-
dle of the malls.The wine is tak-
ing effect and I begin to search
high and low (mostly low) for
that new mini white Tupperware
strainer with a practically noir
look on my face.
What throws me off is my in-
explicable love for buying and
collecting kitchen-related rel-
ics, such as old half aprons with
tie backs, vintage hand-held egg
beaters, salt and pepper shakers (I
have over 200 sets, seriously) and
all-things Tupperware, can we say
“burp?”
Tortilla soup is almost done.
So is the bottle of wine. But how
could tortilla soup possibly take
five hours to make? With no
time left to read Bill Clinton’s
book called “Giving,” I plop on
the couch and contemplate how
it feels to be “receiving” no soup
(because I’m full of wine) and
wonder if I fed the horses yet.
Kitchen is a mess and take-
out would’ve only cost me no
more than two Abe Lincolns
(hello Taco Bell), so why all the
culinary fuss?
I'm thinking cooking is just
not my thing.
I’m much better at putting
words together than food, where
the only things left on the floor
and counters to clean-up are ex-
tra words and sentences I didn’t
need.
By the way, I finally found
the cheese grater. It was tucked
neatly away in my sock drawer.
Charleen Earley is a humor col-
umnist, stand-up comic, high school
journalism teacher, wedding planner
and Publisher and Editor of Delta
Living Magazine.Visit her at www.
DeltaLivingMagazine.com.
Cooking is a
Waste of My Thyme
DELTA
LAUGHS